A Road to Recovery

A Parents Guide on Self-Harm

At 8 Senses Therapy, we understand the complexities surrounding self-harm and the distress it causes, not just for the individual but for their loved ones as well. As a parent, it’s natural to feel overwhelmed, helpless, or even blame yourself for your child’s self-harm. However, it’s crucial to remember that self-harm is often a symptom of underlying issues and not a reflection of your parenting.

Our doors are always open to parents and caregivers seeking advice and guidance. By following this guide, you’re taking a positive step towards empowering yourself with resources and enhancing the support system for your loved one.

You are not on this journey alone.

Understanding Self-Harm

Self-harm is not a cry for attention or a phase that will simply pass. It is often a coping mechanism for underlying issues such as depression, anxiety, or trauma. As a parent, it’s crucial to address these underlying issues and provide the necessary support and resources for your child to manage their emotions in healthier ways.

Self-harm in children follows a similar pattern to that observed in adults. It often emerges as a physical response to emotional distress, manifesting through behaviours such as scratching, cutting, burning, or even hitting themselves. This coping mechanism can be a child’s attempt to exert control over feelings of anxiety, sadness, or frustration, especially when they struggle to express these emotions verbally. Childhood self-harm can also stem from experiences of bullying, academic stress, or family issues, highlighting the urgent need for a supportive and understanding response from caregivers and professionals.

Recognising these signs and understanding the root causes of their self-harm is vital in providing the appropriate intervention and support to guide them towards healthier coping mechanisms. Seeking professional help from counsellors who are experienced in dealing with self-harm can provide the necessary support for your child. Through our family-centred counselling sessions, we can provide tips and strategies not only to the child, but also to parents so they can support their child in their journey towards recovery.

Misconceptions & Realities About Self-Harm

There are several misconceptions surrounding the issue of self-harm, particularly in children and adolescents, which can significantly hinder their path to recovery. A prevalent myth is that self-harm is merely an attention-seeking behaviour. In reality, it is often a private struggle, a way for the individual to cope with overwhelming emotions, underlying issues, or situations they feel they have no control over. As a parent, it’s crucial to address the underlying issues and provide the necessary support and resources for your child to manage their emotions in healthier ways.

Another misconception is the belief that only those with a severe mental illness engage in self-harm. In reality, individuals from a wide spectrum of mental and emotional states may resort to self-harm as a coping mechanism, not exclusively those diagnosed with psychiatric disorders.

The Warning Signs

For a lot of parents, their child’s self-harm will come as a shock to them. Self-harm can be concealed for quite some time, however recognising these signs is the first step towards supporting your loved one on their path to healing. Physical and behavioural indicators of self-harm are crucial for parents, educators, and caregivers to recognise, as early detection can lead to timely intervention. The physical signs of self-harm may include bruises, cuts, burns, or scars, often on the wrists, arms, thighs, or chest. Explanations for their injuries, such as “it was an accident”, “it was the pet”, or “other activities” and/or frequency of such injuries should be a cause for concern.

Behavioural changes are equally telling. Individuals engaging in self-harm might start to wear long sleeves or pants, even in hot weather, to conceal their injuries. They may withdraw from social interactions, particularly those where they are unable to conceal their injuries. You might notice significant changes in their mood or behaviour, or they may exhibit a sudden loss of interest in activities they have previously enjoyed.

Expressions of self-deprecation, a lack of coping skills in response to stress, or an unusual fascination with harmful objects or the topic of self-harm can also be an indicator.

Approaching Your Child

Discovering that your child is self-harming can evoke a range of emotions, from shock and confusion to sadness or anger. However, your initial reaction can significantly influence your child’s willingness to seek help and open up about their struggles. Remember, navigating through this sensitive issue requires empathy, patience, and a supportive approach to encourage open communication and help your child find healthier ways to cope with their emotions.

Starting a conversation about self-harm can be difficult, but it is a crucial step towards understanding and helping your child. It’s paramount that you choose the right time and place, where interruptions are unlikely, ensuring both you and your child feel safe and free to talk. Begin by calmly expressing your concern and emphasising your support. It’s important to approach the subject with sensitivity and without accusatory language.

Use open-ended questions to encourage dialogue, such as:

“I’ve noticed some changes in your behaviour recently and I’m worried about you. Would you like to talk about what you’re going through?”

Listen attentively, reinforcing your child’s worth and offering an open heart and a nonjudgmental ear.

Maintaining composure and staying calm doesn’t just affect the immediate conversation; it sets the tone for future interactions and the overall healing process. If you react with visible distress, anger, or disbelief, it might push your child into further into isolation, making them reluctant to share or seek help in the future. On the contrary, a composed and understanding demeanour can foster a safe space for open communication.

Resist the urge to offer quick fixes or dismiss their feelings. Instead, acknowledge the pain they’re experiencing and validate their emotions. This makes them feel heard and understood. Allow your loved one to share as much or as little as they feel comfortable, without pressing for more information than they’re willing to give.

Acknowledge the courage it takes to open up about such struggles and reassure them of your unconditional support. Remember, this conversation is not about solving the problem immediately but about opening a channel of communication that fosters trust and indicates your genuine concern and willingness to help.

Offer hope but be realistic. While it’s important to encourage your child that things will get better, avoiding overly optimistic assurances that can’t be guaranteed is crucial. Instead, focus on the steps that can be taken together to seek help or improve the situation. Remember, the goal of empathetic communication is not to solve the problem immediately but to make your child feel supported and understood.

It’s very important to not make promises you can’t keep, such as promising not to tell anyone – such as your partner or a professional. Depending on the severity of the self-harm, professional help may be necessary, and ensuring their safety should be the priority. Offering to find resources together or accompany them to a consultation can be comforting for them and let them know that you’re both on this journey to recovery together.

Creating a Supportive Environment at Home

Daily activities that foster a positive and nurturing atmosphere can significantly support them in their recovery journey. Begin by establishing routines that promote mental and physical well-being, such as prioritising healthy meals, ensuring adequate sleep, and incorporating physical activity into the day. These routines not only improve physical health but also contribute to emotional balance and stress reduction.

Encourage regular conversations about feelings, experiences, and challenges without pressuring for disclosure. Designate specific times for these discussions to give structure and predictability to communication.

Celebrate small victories and positive steps forward, no matter how minor they may seem. Celebrating milestones in the recovery process is crucial in fostering a positive outlook and reinforcing the value of the efforts made by you child recovering from self-harm. Milestones might include the achievement of staying self-harm free for a certain period of time, successfully employing a new coping strategy in a difficult situation, or opening up about their struggles in therapy or other supportive settings. Recognising and celebrating these moments, no matter how small they may appear, acts as a powerful motivator and affirms the individual’s progress on their healing journey.

Equally important is the recognition of setbacks. Setbacks are an inevitable aspect of recovery, but when setbacks occur, it’s vital to approach them with a mindset of understanding and compassion rather than judgment. They provide important insights into the challenges your child are facing and are opportunities for reflection and growth. Acknowledging setbacks openly can help demystify them, making it easier for your child to seek support.

A Non-Linear Journey to Recovery

Understanding that it’s a non-linear journey to recovery is essential for the individuals going through healing and their support systems. Recovery from self-harm, like many mental health journeys, is not a straightforward path that progresses steadily from point A to point B. Your child may experience progress, setbacks, and periods of stagnation. These fluctuations are a normal part of the healing process and do not signify failure.

Moments of relapse may be influenced by stress, triggers, or unresolved emotions. Whilst upsetting, these moments provide valuable opportunities for learning and growth, allowing you and your child to better understand the root causes and come up with more effective coping mechanisms.

When you expect setbacks as part of the learning process, it becomes possible to approach recovery with compassion, patience, and persistence, rather than with frustration or despair. Acknowledging the non-linear nature of recovery can ultimately foster a more supportive and understanding environment.

Observing Without Overstepping

Observing a loved one for signs of self-harm while maintaining respect for their privacy is a delicate balance. It begins with fostering an environment of openness and trust, where emotions can be freely expressed without fear of judgment. Striking this balance is crucial; too much supervision may feel intrusive and undermine your child’s sense of independence, whereas too little may not provide the necessary support and safety.

Rather than outright surveillance, focus on engaging in regular, meaningful conversations that provide an opportunity for your child to share their feelings and experiences. Having open discussions about their emotions and progress will make them feel comfortable coming to you when they are feeling overwhelmed.

Establishing a safety plan together with a mental health professional, including signs that indicate a need for immediate intervention, can offer a structured approach to supervision that both parties agree upon. Discuss and agree upon boundaries that respect their privacy while allowing for effective support. Empowering your child by involving them in decision-making processes related to their supervision and care shows respect for their autonomy and reinforces trust.

Trust can be built by consistently following through on promises and showing unconditional support, even in setbacks. This consistent reliability forms a safety net, reassuring your child that they have a stable support system to rely on without feeling constantly surveilled.

Remember, it’s important that your child wants to get better for themselves and that by trying to control them or casting judgement you may cause them to hide their behaviours further, or feel they can’t confide in you. Encouraging independence and respecting boundaries promotes a healthier relationship and makes it more likely for your child to come forward with their troubles.

Caring for Yourself

Caring for someone recovering from self-harm, while rewarding, can also be emotionally taxing and physically exhausting. Therefore, self-care for parents and caregivers is essential, not just as a means of preserving their own well-being, but as a vital component of providing sustained, effective support. It’s important to recognise that caregivers, too, need to replenish their emotional and physical reserves to avoid burnout.

Engaging in regular self-care can help maintain a healthy balance, ensuring you have the energy, patience, and emotional capacity to continue supporting your child. Self-care can be different for everyone, but could include engaging in physical activities, pursuing hobbies and interests, seeking support from peers or professional counsellors, and ensuring adequate rest and nutrition.

Finding support for yourself is a critical aspect of maintaining your well-being while supporting someone through their recovery from self-harm. Navigating through the complexities of a loved one’s healing process can lead to feelings of frustration, sadness and despair, which can be emotionally draining. Seeking support for yourself can provide a much-needed outlet for these emotions, offering perspectives, advice, and encouragement from those who understand the unique challenges you’re facing.

By acknowledging your own needs and limitations, you can reset and be fully present and responsive to the needs of your child. Caring for yourself is not a selfish act but a necessary one.

Lifeline

13 11 14

lifeline.org.au

Kids Helpline

1800 55 1800

kidshelpline.com.au

Beyond Blue

1300 22 4636

beyondblue.org.au

Professional Intervention

Counselling plays a pivotal role in the recovery process for children dealing with self-harm, to understand the underlying issues and develop healthier coping strategies. At 8 Senses Therapy, your child will be provided with a safe and confidential space to explore their feelings, thoughts, and behaviours without fear of judgment. In our sessions, we help identify the root causes of your child’s self-harm, which often stem from unresolved emotional pain, trauma, or mental health conditions such as depression and anxiety. Your child will learn to articulate their emotions and experiences, fostering self-awareness and insight into their actions.

Counselling provides ongoing support and motivation throughout the recovery journey, helping your child set realistic goals, track their progress, and celebrate achievements or milestones. It encourages the development of a strong support network, incorporating family into sessions when appropriate. Through consistent, empathetic engagement, counselling empowers your child to reclaim control over their thoughts and actions, paving the way for long-term healing and resilience.

Choosing the Right Professional for Your Child

Consultations with potential counsellors provide an opportunity to discuss their approach, treatment philosophy, and to gauge how they interact with your child. A good therapist should make your child feel seen, heard, and respected, establishing a rapport that fosters a safe therapeutic environment.

When selecting a therapist, consider their experience, qualifications, and approach to therapy, ensuring these align with your child’s personality and situation. It’s crucial to involve your child in the decision-making process, allowing them to express their preferences and concerns. This can help them feel more comfortable and engaged with the therapist they eventually choose.

Remember, the goal is to find a professional who not only possesses the technical skills to help your child but also the interpersonal qualities that resonate with your child, building a foundation of trust that is essential for effective therapy. The search for a suitable counsellor or therapist can begin with referrals from your child’s paediatrician, school counsellor, or through trusted mental health organisations.

Our Clinical Counsellor, Daniella Collicelli

Daniella is a Registered Clinical Counsellor with the Australian Counselling Association and the Psychotherapy and Counselling Federation of Australia. She has a broad area of knowledge and experience working with children, adolescents, and families dealing with self-harm.

Daniella’s practice is influenced by knowledge in various areas, such as Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT), Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), Dialectical Behavioural Therapy (DBT), mindfulness, and other bio-psychosocial approaches to support children when facilitating their desired goals. Daniella has a special interest in working with those who may be experiencing anxiety, depression, behavioural difficulties, supporting both clients and their families.

Begin the Journey

Our compassionate, personalised counselling sessions create a supportive and healing environment, ensuring you and your child are not navigating this path alone. Reach out to us through our contact form below.

Please note, 8 Senses Therapy is not a 24/7 support service.

If you or your child are in crisis, call one of the mental health helplines below.

If you feel that your or your child are at immediate risk of harm, please call triple zero (000).