Emotional Regulation

A Guide for Parents

Emotional regulation is a crucial skill that children learn and develop over time, enabling them to manage, cope, and respond to emotional experiences appropriately. Before the age of seven, children can’t self-regulate and learn through co-regulation with a parent or caregiver. This makes it important for parents and caregivers to learn and model healthy self-regulation for their children, becoming aware of their own triggers, thoughts, and emotions. This guide will help you to understand emotional regulation, recognise difficulties, and explore effective techniques to support your child both at home and with professional help.

Understanding Emotional Regulation

Emotional regulation is about recognising, responding to, and managing emotions in healthy, constructive ways. For parents and caregivers, playing a supportive role in this aspect of development is vital, offering guidance and understanding as children learn to navigate and control their emotions. This skill is fundamental in enabling children to handle everyday challenges, social interactions, as well as the various ups and downs of growing up.

The causes of difficulties with emotional regulation in children are diverse, ranging from developmental delays, stress or trauma, to genetic factors. The effects can be significant, impacting a child’s social skills, academic performance, and overall well-being.

Understanding the causes of emotional regulation difficulties is crucial in providing the most effective support and intervention. Environmental factors, such as a difficult home life or frequent exposure to stressful situations, can significantly impact a child’s ability to regulate emotions. Similarly, biological factors, including neurodevelopmental disorders such as ADHD or autism spectrum disorder, can make emotional regulation more challenging. These factors do not act in isolation; rather, it is often the interplay between genetics, environment, and personal experiences that shapes a child’s emotional development.

Identifying Difficulties

Children facing challenges with emotional regulation may also show difficulty in adjusting to changes in routine or environment, which can manifest as anxiety or distress over seemingly minor modifications. They might struggle with sharing or taking turns, a critical aspect of social interaction, leading to conflicts with peers.

Such children may have a hard time expressing what they are feeling in words, leading to internalisation of emotions or acting out as a form of communication. It’s important to approach these behaviours with compassion and understanding, recognising that these are not acts of defiance but rather indications of a child’s struggle with managing their emotions. By providing a supportive environment, parents and caregivers can empower children to develop the skills they need for emotional regulation, fostering resilience and emotional intelligence.

The signs of social anxiety in children can vary significantly from one child to another. Some of the common indicators include:

Frequent Tantrums
Frequent tantrums or excessive crying, especially in situations where they are frustrated or don’t get what they want.
Aggressive Behaviour
Intense feelings, such as anger and frustration, often turn into outbursts of physical aggression, such as hitting, biting, or kicking.
Crying Spells
Sudden and prolonged bouts of crying that are often over seemingly minor issues.
Difficulty Calming Down
Difficulty calming down and taking a long time to return to a calm state.
Impulsivity
Impulsive behaviours, such as speaking out of turn, interrupting others, or acting without consideration.

Resistance to Change
Difficulty adapting to new situations or changes in routine, leading to emotional outbursts or anxiety.
Social Withdrawal
Avoiding social interactions and withdrawing from peers, out of fear of judgement or failure.
Difficulty Expressing Emotions Verbally
Struggling to articulate their feelings or emotions using words. Instead, displaying their emotions physically – through outbursts, such as screaming, slamming doors, or physical aggression.
Blaming Others
A tendency to blame others for their own emotional responses and refusing to take responsibility for their actions.
Overreaction to Small Problems
Excessive emotional responses to minor setbacks or disappointments, such as a small loss in a game or a slight reprimand.

Strategies for Parents

Parents play a pivotal role in helping their children learn to regulate their emotions. Here are some practical techniques to implement at home:

Create a Supportive Home Environment
Ensure your home is a safe space where your child feels loved and understood. Encourage open communication about their fears and worries without judgement (refer to next section).
Co-Regulation and Modelling Healthy Emotional Regulation
Before the age of seven or eight, children are unable to self-regulate and learn through co-regulation. This makes it important that you ensure you’re a positive role model by demonstrating how you manage your emotions in challenging situations. Your child observes and learns from your behaviour, so use moments of frustration or disappointment as opportunities to teach problem-solving and coping strategies.
Create a Calm Down Space
Designate a quiet, comfortable area in your home where your child can go to relax when they feel overwhelmed. This space can be equipped with comforting items like soft blankets, stress balls, or colouring books.
Positive Reinforcement and Celebrating Victories
Acknowledge and praise victories, no matter how small. When they successfully manage a difficult emotion or situation, positive reinforcement can boost their self-esteem and motivate them to keep up their efforts.
Practise and Encourage Emotional Expressiveness
Provide your child with a vocabulary to name their feelings and encourage them to express them to you without judgment. Validate their experiences and offer support.
Teach Relaxation Techniques
Introduce your child to mindfulness, deep breathing exercises, or progressive muscle relaxation to help calm themselves when they feel overwhelmed by emotions.
Use Visual Supports
Create visual charts or use stories and books as tools to help your child understand their emotions. These tools can provide clarity on feelings and emotions as well as aid in their emotional vocabulary. This can helps them understand and identify when and why they feel or react the way they do, as well as know they are not alone in their feelings.
Encourage Physical Activity
Physical activity is a powerful stress reducer. It helps release pent-up energy and tension, improving overall mood and making it easier for your child to regulate their emotions.
Limit Exposure to Stressful Situations
While it’s not always possible to avoid stress, try to minimise your child’s exposure to unnecessarily stressful situations. Ensure they’re not taking on too many activities and have enough downtime.
Offer Choices and Encourage Autonomy
Giving your child choices in their daily activities can empower them and reduce feelings of frustration. This sense of control can be a strong foundation for emotional regulation.
Spend Quality Time Together
Ensuring you give your child positive, undivided attention strengthens your bond and provides them with the security and time to open up to you about their emotions.
Seek Professional Help
Sometimes, professional intervention may be necessary. Don’t hesitate to reach out to a child psychologist or therapist who specialises in emotional regulation. They can provide tailored strategies and support to help your child regulate their emotions.

Creating a Supportive Environment at Home

Daily activities that foster a positive and nurturing atmosphere can significantly support your child in regulating their emotions. Begin by establishing routines that promote mental and physical well-being, such as prioritising healthy meals, ensuring adequate sleep, and incorporating physical activity into the day. These routines not only improve physical health but also contribute to emotional balance and stress reduction.

Encourage regular conversations about feelings, experiences, and challenges without pressuring for disclosure. Designate specific times for these discussions to give structure and predictability to communication. Setbacks are inevitable, but when setbacks occur, it’s vital to approach them with a mindset of understanding and compassion rather than judgment. They provide important insights into the challenges your child is facing and are opportunities for reflection and growth.

Non-Linear Journey to Recovery

Understanding that it’s a non-linear journey is essential for the individuals going through healing and their support systems. Learning how to regulate emotions, like many mental health journeys, is not a straightforward path that progresses steadily from point A to point B. Your child may experience progress, setbacks, and periods of stagnation. These fluctuations are a normal and do not signify failure.

Moments of relapse may be influenced by stress, triggers, or unresolved emotions. Whilst upsetting, these moments provide valuable opportunities for learning and growth, allowing you and your child to better understand the root causes and come up with more effective coping mechanisms.

When you expect setbacks as part of the learning process, it becomes possible to approach them with compassion, patience, and persistence, rather than with frustration or despair. Acknowledging the non-linear nature of recovery can ultimately foster a more supportive and understanding environment.

Caring for Yourself

Caring for someone who has difficulty regulating their emotions can be emotionally taxing and physically exhausting. Therefore, self-care for parents and caregivers is essential, not just as a means of preserving their own well-being, but as a vital component of providing sustained, effective support. It’s important to recognise that caregivers, too, need to replenish their emotional and physical reserves to avoid burnout.

Engaging in regular self-care can help maintain a healthy balance, ensuring you have the energy, patience, and emotional capacity to continue supporting your child. Self-care can be different for everyone, but could include engaging in physical activities, pursuing hobbies and interests, seeking support from peers or professional counsellors, and ensuring adequate rest and nutrition.

Finding support for yourself is a critical aspect of maintaining your well-being while supporting your child. Navigating through the complexities of a loved one’s healing process can lead to feelings of frustration, sadness and despair, which can be emotionally draining. Seeking support for yourself can provide a much-needed outlet for these emotions, offering perspectives, advice, and encouragement from those who understand the unique challenges you’re facing.

By acknowledging your own needs and limitations, you can reset and be fully present and responsive to the needs of your child. Caring for yourself is not a selfish act but a necessary one.

Lifeline

13 11 14

lifeline.org.au

Kids Helpline

1800 55 1800

kidshelpline.com.au

Beyond Blue

1300 22 4636

beyondblue.org.au

Professional Intervention

While parental support is invaluable, seeking professional help may be necessary and can provide additional layers of support and expertise. If you notice persistent issues with your child’s ability to regulate their emotions, it may be time to seek professional advice. Professional counsellors, like Daniella, can offer specialised interventions and therapies that are evidence-based and tailored to your child’s needs.

Counselling provides ongoing support and motivation, helping your child set realistic goals, track their progress, and celebrate achievements or milestones. It encourages the development of a strong support network, incorporating family into sessions when appropriate. Through consistent, empathetic engagement, counselling empowers your child to reclaim control over their thoughts and actions, paving the way for long-term healing and resilience.

You may need professional intervention if you witness your child:

Having Frequent Tantrums or Meltdowns
Despite your best efforts, your child has uncontrollable tantrums or meltdowns over minor issues.
Withdraw from Social Interactions
A noticeable withdrawal from engaging with family, friends, or activities they once enjoyed.
Change Their Eating or Sleeping Habits
Eating too much or too little, or having trouble sleeping.
Persistently Upset or Hopeless
Frequently upset or expressing feelings of hopelessness
Excessively Worrying or Anxious
Overly worried, anxious, or preoccupied with fears and worries.
Having Difficulty Concentrating
Noticeable trouble focusing on tasks at school or home
Frequently Angry and Irritable
Frequent irritability, anger, or aggression.
Refusing to Attend School
Reluctance or refusal to go to school.
Suddenly Dropping in Academic Performance
A noticeable decline in grades or school performance.
Reverting to Outgrown Behaviours
Exhibiting behaviours they had outgrown, such as bedwetting, clinging, or thumb-sucking – particularly during stressful periods.

At 8 Senses Therapy, your child will be provided with a safe and confidential space to explore their feelings, thoughts, and behaviours without fear of judgment. They will learn to articulate their emotions and experiences, fostering self-awareness and insight into their actions.

Choosing the Right Professional for Your Child

Consultations with potential counsellors provide an opportunity to discuss their approach, treatment philosophy, and to gauge how they interact with your child. A good therapist should make your child feel seen, heard, and respected, establishing a rapport that fosters a safe therapeutic environment.

When selecting a therapist, consider their experience, qualifications, and approach to therapy, ensuring these align with your child’s personality and situation. It’s crucial to involve your child in the decision-making process, allowing them to express their preferences and concerns. This can help them feel more comfortable and engaged with the therapist they eventually choose.

Remember, the goal is to find a professional who not only possesses the technical skills to help your child but also the interpersonal qualities that resonate with your child, building a foundation of trust that is essential for effective therapy. The search for a suitable counsellor or therapist can begin with referrals from your child’s paediatrician, school counsellor, or through trusted mental health organisations.

Begin the Journey

Supporting emotional regulation in children is a complex yet rewarding task. By addressing emotional regulation early on, we can empower our children with the resilience and skills they need to face life’s challenges head-on.

Remember, seeking help is a sign of strength and commitment to your child’s well-being. Together, we can provide the necessary support to nurture well-rounded, emotionally resilient children.

Please note, 8 Senses Therapy is not a 24/7 support service.

If you or your child are in crisis, call one of the mental health helplines below.

If you feel that your or your child are at immediate risk of harm, please call triple zero (000).